last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
