My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
