roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
