sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
