I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
