you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
