He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
