Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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