Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
only you would photoshop your dick
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
