She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
