He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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