ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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