idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
