I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
