Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
