Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
