His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
and eventually we just all took our pants off
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
