drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
