yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
