The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You ruined the universe
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
