I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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