It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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