Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
