yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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