NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I feel great
I just peed on a car
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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