Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
