how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
