YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
