so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
