I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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