I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
