im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
