It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
