This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
