I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
