sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
