Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she told me i tasted like america
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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