Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
