Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Randomize
