What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
