What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
