I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
