The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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