Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
