3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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