If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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