I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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