Already got asked if we're dating
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
