im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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