She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
