but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
17 year olds will be the death of me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
