I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
