he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
