omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
