We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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