wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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