It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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