Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
