Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
